OK, I'm listening...

Now what? I go to Chicago, make my case, and then...? I desire to know the truth... but only when it comes to knowing if what i dream can become a reality. Damn this stubborn heart. My mind won't let it grow, but it still fuels the curiosity that drives my desire to attach myself once again to you. Just, be patient with me, and make your voice familiar to me once again. I forgot where I left you, and now I can't find my way back with out a hint. So....


Marco?!

If anyone still reads this...

you MUST watch this aweful yet amazing video...

I love Imogen Heap's Music

This is an update for Matt. More to follow shortly, because it's already 1.15 am.

Focker, out.

A Dream

Unsettling. That's how I'd put it. His eyes were wide, cold and full of evil. He was tall - 6 ft or so - with a well chiseled figure, and clean cut lines. He had brown hair and piercing blue eyes that seemed to cut through you when you looked at them. His dress was very respectable. He wore dark chocolate colored pants, shoes, and button down dress shirt. His vest however, was slightly different. The outer color was the same, but the under side was gold.

At first, I payed no attention to him. I was in the lobby getting a snack. Yet for some reason or another, I left the theater, and he grabbed me. "You're coming with me," he hissed. He turned me around so I could face the building since we were now in the parking lot. He held my by the head/neck, and coldly said, "You're going to enjoy this." As I looked up, a fire ball accompanied by a loud explosion rocked the theater where my friends had once been sitting. I watched in horror as people fled the building. I pushed myself away from the man, and began to run. He looked at me over his shoulder with a slight laugh and evil grin that said there's no use running. He was right.

Somehow, he caught me again and I witnessed my friends die in that fire ball again and again. Each time I would find it harder to escape, and then he would catch me again. Until the last time, I found a way to defend myself. After I broke free of his grip, I ran around to the front of the building, and laid flat in the parking lot. There were dead all around me, and those faking dead. I made my way over to one guy who was faking dead and crawled under him. I asked him if he had a gun. He said yes. I pulled his 1982 vest back and pulled out his gun. Using the vest as a shield, that man came into view, and I took aim. I shot twice, hitting him in the heart. He didn't die. He simply looked at me with a soul full of evil and hate and said, "Get her."

I took off running and made it into a cab. When the cab driver turned around, he was a tree (it's a dream! There's gotta be something weird...). I looked down at the chainsaw in my hand and attacked the tree and got the heck out of Dodge. Some time had passed, but the Man was still after me. I knew he was. So, I was hiding out when a couple of my friends found me hiding under a counter. When they bent down to say hi, I killed them. Everyone who I saw had those eyes of hate. Everyone I saw was that Man. I was on the run for what would seem like forever.

Suddenly, I was back in the theater and the movie had just ended. I looked around, and was still freaking out. I looked over at Brianna and put her arm around my shoulder and said, "I'm staying with you tonight," still obviously scared.

Then I woke up. If I hadn't have done so, I knew that Brianna would have been killed by this man. I didn't want to play.

This dream felt so real, like I had lived it. Had I? Maybe. The man was so familiar. He seemed like a guy who would be the most amazing guy ever had he not been evil. Needless to say, I haven't been able to sleep well since Sunday/Monday. What scares me, is that this was my portrait of satan (that's me using the middle finger of grammar and putting the devil on notice), and I felt how real he was. The familiarity I felt about him screams at me to do something, but everytime I try, I fail. Hence the replay of the nightmare several times. The devil is moving - saints be warned!

This has been an interesting week. I promise something a little more cheery next post. As for now, I must go clean out the van before I get dad. It's dirty... and it's my fault. :) 5 days to the opening game of the Olympics (for Womens socceer). Anyone want to come to Haysville to watch a game @ 6.45 in the morning?

Battle Royale

I don't have the most exciting life right now, but I'm ok with that. In my awesome state of unemployment, I have done a lot of things that I wouldn't have been able to do if I were working (Ok, that's not true. It just seems like I wouldn't have the time to pull of the shenanigans that I have if I had a job). This afternoon while reading some posts on this awesome blog, I was thinking about he Olympic games of the average college student. Then I got to thinking about the movie Revenge of the Nerds where there's some bizarre competition to see which fraternity/sorority team was going to be the chair of the Greek Council for the next year.

So, in the spirit of the ensuing kick off to the Olympic games in Beijing, I decided to come up with my own games that should be adopted and played between colleges of all sizes. Mind you, I went to Friends University where it's a dry campus, so these will be non-alcoholic games.

1. Water Balloon Wars
Using only launchers, each team will have a set time period to destroy other team's fort with water balloons launched from semi-close range. The more damage the better. If you happen to get hit by a water balloon, you are a casualty and you can't help until the next round - if you make it. Specialty targets earn each team more points.

2. Best Prank
It's almost a guarantee that you know someone who thinks he or she is the best at pranks or onery shenanigans, each school will have a moch up of a room and they'll have 2 or 3 hours to turn the room into a walk-in "death trap" full of the subtle and not-so-subtle points of mayhem. Maybe, depending on the craftiness, there could be a theme to the room like, "They got me, but I got them better" or the "My Boyfriend Cheated on Me Revenge" or "Congrats on the marriage! Never give me your keys again" room. It's not a bad way to add a few new tricks to your already awesome list.

3. Ultimate Frisbee
This is probably the game that everyone will want to play. It's the one game that can involve everyone - the Flip Flop Gang, the closet bohemian athletes, and dog enthusiasts alike. Everyone loves a semi-contact sport that involves a frisbee. Everyone either feels like their 12. Or in my case, I feel like one of those really cool people who's natural habitat is a coffee shop, and when they are with friends, they smoke a pipe, and have really deep words of wisdom that could only come from Mr. Miagi from the Karate Kid, or Lucas from Empire Records ("What's with today, today?"). These are the people who drive VW vans, or some earth-friendly, tricked out Jeep. I digress. Ultimate frisbee is the biggest test of counter-cultural athleticism, and teamwork on a zen level. Bring it on.

4. Spirit Smack-down.
It seems that most of the time at competitions you get into a shouting match with other schools/teams. The louder the better. The cheezier the rhyme the better. It's a vocal and non-atheltic competition that shows you awesome freestyle skills, and willingness to tempt the fate and see how far you can push the envelope before you get punched in the face. So, this competition would me modeled a little after the battle part on the tv show Wild & Out and the mini cheer-battle from Bring it On. Which ever side comes up witht he best routines and burns the other team the most wins.

I would totally participate. I think I'm well-versed in most of the game ideas I came up with (with the exception of the last one. I have no flow). Also, I have superb aim with a 250 yd. water balloon launcher. Superb.

Long time coming

So, It's been a long time since my last post. I don't have any good reason for my lack of fruitful postings except nothing of great importance has happened to me since... well, June. Unemployment is just about as exciting as watching paint dry.

I did run away for a week and a half to Florida with the family. I don't have any of those pictures yet, because dad hasn't e-mailed them to me. Those will come soon.

Also, it's "hell week" as far as being swamped with Amy's wedding. It's been more than interesting trying to get everything done since I got back. I don't know what's going on, but there's nothing wrong with going with the flow. So, yesterday was the beginning of the bachelorette week and I know there are some awesome pictures that will surface eventually of me looking like a loser with a tiara on. Oh well.

In the mean time, I've been looking for work, trying to decide how I'm going to finish my degree, and just praying for the Lord to make himself known to me in ways that will change my heart. Oh. I watch a lot of soccer. A LOT of soccer. I've been on Fox Soccer Channel a lot, US Soccer has had some games on their MatchTracker thingy that have been fun to follow, and I've been studying old tape that I have recorded to help my girls come February. Oh my.

There's my sad attempt for an update. I hope that soon I'll have some more exciting news to share, but until then, I'll be sitting on my couch... watching paint dry.

Blessings,
Jelly

Sleep...

I have been craving sleep for the past 3 days. I spent Friday night at Ground Zero helping as a sponsor at a lock-in. Oh boy. It was pretty much amazing. I was invited because my soccer girls think I'm amazing. As it turns out, so does more than half the youth there. It was pretty much the most amazing time. From the Video scavenger hunt to bowling. From laughing at the amazingly hysterical videos to a rousing game of "Wah" and Psychiatrist at 4 in the morning, it was a great night. Not to mention there were some sweet storms around 4 that made it just that much more exciting. :) Here's a couple pictures from the bowling. Oh good times....

Emilio and Justin

Morgan, Sam, and Darienne

Me and Morgan

Who knew....

Amber (Left) and Darienne (Right)

The Lord has given me a weekend with 2 amazing girls... Hooray Kansas City! How sweet.

The beginning of something

I had lunch on Wednesday with one of the best ladies in the world. We were talking about everything that had happened to us in the past month, and then we started talking about the future - jobs, marriage, the call of the Lord, and you know... stuff that people our age talk about.

Then, Miss Brianna decided to speak some truth into me. She said that she didn't like who I was. Not in regards to my soul, but just how I was living. I was living - well, just existing. I'm just doing what I have to to get by.

Well, crap.

I'm glad she said something, but those are words that are hard to hear. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize it's true. I have been given dreams to live bigger than I am. Bigger in the Lord. I've shared those dreams with none other than Brianna. I used to believe in creating your own breaks. I used to believe that I could do anything - and that wasn't that long ago.

Now, after being in the "world" for about a year, a good part of my dreams have been killed or stifled because of people who didn't listed to opportunity knock, or decided against it to do something that they thought is the "right thing." About 6 months ago, I was wide-eyed and idealistic about a lot of things. Now, I feel like I've put my God in this silly box that's just there as another idol there to talk to when I feel lonely, or I want something to further my own agenda. Where, written on any piece of paper - anywhere - does it say that we should confine our God into something convenient for us? Jedidiah 12.20-23?

I don't think so... That theology is so backwards it's just plain stupid. We we weren't created to shrink our God into something containable and tangible. Instead, we're supposed to live our life chasing the unexplained that our God makes real every day. We should be convenient to the calling of our God.

I forgot that. I stopped living that. Well, now is the time to change. The next couple days will be interesting.

How To Be A Role Model

Ok, so I hate being sick. It gives me weird dreams, and makes me thing about deep things that shouldn’t be tampered with even when your blood stream isn’t flowing with mass amounts of cold remedies. Oh well. Here it goes.

I have thought a lot recently about the term “role model” and its importance in modern society. I have no idea why, but the Lord said think about it so I have to. My best outlet is through a blog, or some sort of journaling thing… so here I am. “Who knows where thoughts come from. They just appear.”

Defining any term is the hardest thing for me. Within a definition comes about 30 questions that arise for want of a definite answer. For me, the questions never seem to stop. So, in my struggle to answer said web of riddles, I turn to what the world has shown my through countless observances and experiences. I have come to define “role model” as someone who encompasses (and nearly masters) traits and behaviors that favor kindness, gentleness, and everything the world may lack. These people are [usually] pointed out by someone who is looking to mimic the actions and deeds of someone who spreads joy, compassion, wisdom, strength, and a long list of other things to people who they meet.

Can you master the art of being a role model? Hell if I know. I’m 23, and for the first time about 3 weeks ago I first thought of myself as a role model. I can tell you now that I am far from a master of anything I do, or pretend to do. I haven’t spent my life working to become the role model type. If that were the case, I would be the worst person ever. “Hey! Look at me! I have it all together, and people should do what I do because I’m right. Mary Jo said she wanted to be like me, so it must be true.” I call BS! Gimme your cards. I think that as humans living after the Fall, we spend our lives chasing something: Grades, boys, God, cars, hell even ourselves at times. I think once we have it “figured out” for ourselves only then can we begin to tell people what worked for us. We don’t have anything mastered, but we have things sorted out enough to know how to conquer ourselves and the self-doubt that plagues everyone until the bell rings for the next round.

Living as a role model is strange. As a Christ follower, it’s weird to think of myself as someone who is a role model. I mean, the ultimate role model is obviously Jesus, but we tend to follow other people’s example of their interpretation. Confused? Yeah. Me too. The more I grow older and do my own reading and understanding of the scriptures, the more I stop leaning on man and start leaning on the guidance I receive from the Spirit. I look at what Jack Smack is doing over here, and then look at what John Doe is doing over there, and they both claim to be living the “correct” way of life under the Lord. Uh… for guidance, I turn to scriptures. I found Ephesians 4. I love this! Check it:

“As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Eph. 4.1-2

We’re supposed to live or lives the way we were told to when the Lord first called us. I recently read in the book Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell that what ever you are called to do, do it in the name of the Lord. If you’re called to be an accountant, be honest and fruitful in the name of the Lord. If you’re called to be a doctor, heal and save lives in the name of the Lord. If you’re called into ministry, let your soul burn and rejoice in the name of the Lord. Don’t compare your life to the works of another.

Anyone can give you advice and words of wisdom in the run of things, but it ultimately comes down to how you use their words in your own journey. If anyone should be taken seriously, wouldn’t you think it would be your brother or sister who encourages you to find your own way? Someone who tells you that you’re not alone in the hell you’re fighting through? This is why I love my friends. They understand that they can’t fight my battles, but they can sure help arm my soul through encouragement and laughter.

Maybe that’s what a good role model looks like: The quiet soldier listening and praying constantly for your troubles. When asked for advice, encouragement and love are the only words spoken. From what I’ve seen, that’s the biggest thing the world is lacking in all fronts. Maybe role models are giant Hallmark cards in human form.

But…is that all? Can they not fight and share our wisdom? I think maybe they can. Later in Ephesians 6, we get to the Armor of God. Read it again.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor: of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. Ephesians 6.10-18

I had a professor once say that in the Armor of God mentioned, there is nothing that protects the backside of the soldier. So, would he then not rely on his comrades to get his back in the battle? I had another professor explain the Trinity as the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost existing in perfect harmony; living in perfect community. Since we were created in the image of God, were we not created to live in community with our neighbors? Yet another professor defined love as the perfect balance of grace and truth. Too much truth is damning, and too much grace is flattery. Wow. Add those 3 things together, you’ve got this crazy bunch of theology screaming at you to encourage and fight for your brother or sister.

So maybe the term role model can be summed up like this: A person who is willing to listen and encourage the faint at heart while standing with them in the roughest of storms, and the toughest of battles.

This is idea is in its infancy. What I said was all revelation and word vomit in the span of about 45 minutes. I don’t now where it’s going, but I kinda like it.

If anyone reads this whole thing, I'll give them a dollar.

The Hardest Truth

Tonite at Cornerstone I was hit by this strange epiphany.

I am denying my own success.

Sounds absurd, right? Well, let me explain.

Let's rewind... Patrick read from 2 Corinthians 4. You know, that whole thing about a treasure on some ordinary jars; Something so precious stored in plain sight - in the most ordinary and common containers.

Stop. Did you catch that? The most precious thing in the history of EVER is held in a vessel that everyone has access to, or already has in their possession.

Then, there came a story about a little boy in Africa who was getting water for his family. The well is around 2 miles away. Now, the jar the kid was using was old, full of holes, and barely worth keeping to most people. As he walked home he would leak water everywhere. When he got back to his village, he didn't have much left inside.

He went to the leader of the village and expressed his feeling of failure. Mr Village Master walked with the boy back along the path. You could tell that the boy had been making this journey quite a while. When the head of the village saw the route the boy takes, he pointed out all of the flowers and plants that have begun to grow along the path. In what the boy thought was failure actually sprouted new life. Something unexpected. Something beautiful.

Freakin' amazing!

So, what does this have to do with my denial of success? Check it out.

I am that person that comes up with random and sometimes brilliant ideas about anything and everything from pranks to object lessons, to a sweet ministry. I can't tell you how many I've had or been a part of in the past 5 months. However, there's one that just seems to be elusive from my grasp, but it won't leave me alone! I can't shake the idea of doing it no matter how much I cry out to the Lord. It's one I think that was created just for me, but somehow I deny it's truth. Yeah, it's a dream. Yeah, it's huge. Like, bigger than just finding a steady 9-5. But seriously...

I was talking to probably the most amazing man I know about it. He told me that dreams are meant to be chased. He gave me this fantastic idea that I should hand deliver my 2nd letter. When I heard this, my stomach dropped. I can't travel right now. I need to finish school. I need to do this. I need to get that. I came up with more excuses in about 2 minutes than I ever have before for anything. And that's when I realized I had a problem (Hello, my name is Jelly, and I have a problem... I admit it!).

Then tonite I was hit with the truth that I am an ordinary package with an extraordinary gift inside. I am that jar of clay. This dream I have been given is exactly what Paul talks about in I Corinthians 1:

"Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption."

I have read that over and over for the past couple of years. I never under stood why I am so drawn to it until about 20 minutes ago when I put all the coffee in my system to good use. I am that average small-town girl with a big task a head. I trust in the guidance and wisdom of the Lord.

From that, I will be lead into the fire. Refined over and over again until that day where I will be tossed into something beyond my wildest dreams. Will I be scared? Uh, yeah. Nervous? More than likely. But I'll be ready. I can hardly wait! Until then, I will sit and praise the Lord with everything I have to offer.

Praise be to the Lord of heaven and earth who tends to his flock with grace and mercy! May his kingdom forever reign!

Amen

How sweet it is...

This photo says it all, baby! We Jayhawk fans have been waiting for this a long time for this (Ok, so I'm not yet 23, but still)! I don't remember '88 - I was 3 - but reading the history and hearing tales of Danny and the Miracles... it's about time we got another. I knew you could do it, fellas! ROCH CHALK CHAMPIONSHIP!

On a more exciting note... My car has decided to become terminally ill. The doctor bills will run around $1400. I don't have $400. This is going to be an exciting couple of weeks... Bring it on!

What I want for my birthday...

ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK!
Take 'em boys! Bring on Memphis!

Not a bad early gift...

I have been so busy lately, I don't really know where I am most of the time. Soccer has me running all over Wichita getting supplies, girls, and running to games. Work is ending... finally. Thursday is my last day, and I'm more than ready for a break. I don't have much in the way of a job lined up. I should prolly get on that.

On Thursday night, I had one of those God moments that my heart has been longing for for nearly 5 months. I wish I could say that I've been a beacon of truth and upstanding Christian conduct. However, I haven't been able to find myself in the last few months. I haven't been able to find Jesus. Until Thursday. I cried. A lot. I was about to fall asleep, and next thing I knew, there's a river running down my face and I'm crying out to the Lord to light a fire under my ass, or in my heart or just plain set me on fire. The funny thing is that I didn't notice anything different about me until I prayed with my team on Friday before our game. I don't really know what this change is yet, but I like it so far.

I wish I had more to update, but I don't know where my left foot is half the time let alone what the heck is going on with my life. :) Good times.

Deuces

Jazz in the morning

I love jazz music. It's something that I can just listen to without the worry of it corrupting my ears with distorted guitar or defaning bass. Jazz is almost uncorruptable. It just makes me smile.

I had a dream with jazz music in it. I was jammin out with some soccer players. I woke up later around 8.45 to some more sweet music.

So now while I sit in my office trying not to think about the awefulness of the tasks, the mood of my music is sinking in and making the day wonderful. Hooray Benny Goodman and your orchestra!

Oh. I am also in dire need of some coffee. Anyone want to bring me some?

I can't stop the rain

So, it's been raining forever. Lord knows since at least 6 this morning. I love the rain, tho! I saw lightning this morning (really intense at times, too!), drove thru some of the most intense rain I've ever seen, and loved every minute of it. Now, almost 6 hours later, it's still going.

I'm at work, but not terribly busy yet. Spring break! I'd much rather be at home curled up in a blanket watching a movie while sipping on coffee or eating some soup... mmmm... just relaxing! I hope to be doing so soon, but with the threat of practice and busy errands, that might have to wait. But enjoy today and the rain while it lasts! It's one of the best things ever...

Jelly

No words...

I know what it looks like on the outside when you forget why you are in ministry, but I wonder how it feels on the inside when Jesus is gone?

Visions of... heck yes!

So, the last real post I had was surprisingly negative (even to me) after I went back and read it. This post, not so much!

Well, to give y'all a bit of back story, I'm poor. I'm in a financially irresponsible job. It's not been the easiest these past few weeks. My bank account was yelling at me constantly for the past week. My Word of Life girls are failing. My car ticks on an inconsistent basis. I think it has Tourette's. I can't stand to stay awake for more than 5 hours at a time before I collapse into the fetal position and sleep for 3-9 hours at a time (Maybe that's good considering my past luck?). The little things have made me want to kick things that shouldn't be kicked.

The good news? JESUS IS FAITHFUL!

Wednesday, Matt prayed over me. Talk about the Spirit moving!

Thursday, not so good. My phone rang 40 something times that day. I also got 57 text messages. That's between the hours of 10.30 am and 9.00 pm. Not a good day. At all.

Friday I went to the ballet thingy at Friends, and remembered why I love watching it! It's so relaxing. Peaceful. Beautiful. I just smiled...

Saturday, I did more with ACDF at Friends U, and then had Thai food. Oh, blessed Thai... You made me sleep for 3.5 hours. THEN! I knew it was more stupid than anything for me to go, but I went to the Vision of You concert with Bethany Dillon, Starfield, and the wonderful Shane and Shane. There I finally broke. It was a kick ass - well, kick you spirit into gear concert that was absolutely worth me dropping $20. (Mind you, I had $100 to last me until Friday when I get paid, even then I'd lose most of that to the bank. I was already down to $60 at this point... Freakin' oil.).

Sunday, I spent most of church wrapped up in the sermons on my iPod to really listen to what Laney was talking about. I think it was here that I just quit, and let God take it all. Sunday afternoon, I slept for about 3 hours. Then came youth group. It went amazingly well! My ideas were accepted, and there was dialog!

Today, however was the best part. The government came through for once! I was sitting way over-drawn in my checking account. Well, I got my refund (not stimulus) check in the mail today! $544, baby! Now I'm not over drawn and I'll get to use my paycheck on Friday! I was so thrilled! I wanted to cry and praise the Lord because He's been trying to show me how faithful he really is. This was it! Yay for Jesus!

Oh, and I also played 80+ minutes in a soccer game tonight in my alumni game without passing out. That was a bad idea. I haven't been cleared from my doc to do more than a light jog and I tried to do a throw in. I failed miserably. Ouch. And I sprinted a lot. I didn't do bad for not doing anything since August of last year, tho!

In the end, it all boils down to this: Jesus is the man! Trust in him and the Father, and the Spirit will intercede on your behalf and bless you when you ask - and it's sneaky! Patrick was right! Ask, and it will be given to you! And having amazing friends that pray for you isn't bad either.

Okay...

...maybe I can hang out for a month...

The Breaking Point

I've been there, and gone past it. I worte a while back about my passion for kids. That's not changed. I just have decided to not like the parents. I normally will take the side of a parent in almost any situation, but that's before having seen the ego and bull shit behind what they do or say. The drama that follows some people is unbelievable. Who would have thought that an "adult" of the ripe age of 40-ish would undermine the authority of the leader and out-right disrespect said leader?

Welcome to my job, folks. I have been stripped of all my authority and decision making power within 2 weeks. I was sick for about a week and a half of that. What an oppertune time to step in and form a coup! Bloody hell. The best thing about it? The pastor has kinda checked out of the job and doesn't really care to support me in my young and idealistic ways.

So, I'm trying something out. I wouldn't be suprised if I become unemployed out of frustration in the next month, but it's something that I have to do to regain the "natural gifts that make me who I am." (Compliments of Carrie Mills!) But its true! My life has become so routine, that I feel like I've become so sterile and bland. That's not how I chose to live my life. I gave up too much of myself for tha job that doesn't work for my natural rythm. I compromised myself to make people happy.... OOPS!

Oh well. pray for my mouth, so I'm not terribly angry and what I say is out of love and more respect that I've been shown. The End.

Still

sick. I hate it. No health insurance. Still going to the dr. Pray for my body and my pockets.

The Pain of Reality

In today's society, it's been said by many people that the kids are growing up too fast. Things weren'tlike this 50 years ago. 30 years ago. Even 10 years ago, when I was a kid.

The average age of a kids first cigarette is 12-13 in USD 259. In the 2006/2007 school year, there were 350 reported cases of drug related offenses. Starting from 2 in the 3rd grade, to 96 in the 11th. THIRD GRADE! That's a kid between the ages of 8 and 9.

Do you know what the most common drugs are? Perscriptions like Vicodin, Percocet, Ridalin... even stuff like NyQuil or Sudaffed, and Vicks... the list goes on and on. Did you know that whipped cream could be used as an inhalent? True story. Kids are crafty and have figured out a way to get the propellant in the cans out without letting the cream out and huffing that. Wanna know how? There are web sites out there that show how to do that. Not to mention others that ask you for your height and weight and tell you how much to take of what over-the-counter drug to get you high.

Pharm Parties are becoming increasingly common. Ever been to a buffet where you have no idea what's in the line? Well, at Pharm Parties kids bring in a handful of whatever they could get their hands on. Everyone throws it into the same bowl, and then you take your pick of whatever from the bowl of "Skittles."

What's even more aweful is the way they talk to each other. In every day conversation, they call each other bitches and sluts. They demean the integrity of someone who tries to have their own opinion. They twist words to start fights between others. They fight for the sake of fighting - verbally, physically... whatever they can do to damage the other person.

I hate it! It makes me physically sick. You wonder about my pasion for young people? This is it. Stupidity and rediculous decisions plague this generation. Since the adults consider this generation lost, who is here to be an advocate? Today has been interesting. I've learned more than I barganed for, but I'm pretty floored by it all.

Rediscovered Love

This isn't going to be a profound blog. I'm not in the mood. I'll tell you what I am in the mood for... some old-school Janet Jackson! That's right!

I love the radio station BOBFM (97.1 for you who aren't informed yet...)! It's pretty much the best mix of music I've ever heard. It mixes the "lost" songs of the radio and playes them with minimal commercial interruption. I hear stuff from Janet, New Kids, ACDC, KISS, Robyn, Backstreet Boys, Tiffani... the list goes on. Why do I love it? The music takes me back to the days of when I had nothing better to do that listen to the radio at night, and then share my awesome discveries with my friends at school. Remember the old KKRD? Yep. That station was amazing back in the day. Natalie Imbruglia, Jewel (before she turned really pop-ish), Black Street... *sigh* I miss it. Maybe I miss the innocent way of life. Either way you look at it - to conclude this amazingly lame post - the 90s had the best music to listen to when You're a teenager... Duncan Sheik, Madonna, Ace of Base, the Fugees... etc.



The End.

Exhaustion

So, between you and me, I'm more than tired. Sleep has become my closest companion in the last few days. What's even more exciting, I'm not sure where my feet are right now.

I'm kinda second guessing this whole youth thing kinda. I think my focus is with youth, but on a different level. I'm going to still you the ministry degree, but maybe go back for a second degree or masters in secondary education. Word of Life could be fun. Even something else a little bigger... do Bible... coach soccer...

I dunno. I'm still wanting to be open to the Lord's direction, but the frustrations of the "Job" are tending to wear on me. People are wanting foolish things and my stubborn pride looks at said-tasks and the reason for the demand, and I shake my head and don't do 'em. I can't perform stupidity. It's not programmed into my DNA.

Just a thought. I'm sleepy, and kinda pessimistic. I need sleep, and a long weekend. Maybe? I dunno. Donuts sound 100% amazing right now.

Ready, set...

...WTF? What happened to "Go?" Oh that's right. It's taunting me.

Today has been interesting. To understand it, we must travel back in time. So kick on your interociter, and come with me back into time about 3 days ago.

Tuesday: I had a mild freak out realizing that Word of Life soccer starts in a week. Thankfull with just a parent meeting, but I don't think I'm totally ready for that.

Wednesday: Staff meeting. The realization of my imminent craziness sets in. I'm about to be pulled in every direction.

Thursday: Snow halts any kind of brain function. I tend to turn into a 10 year old every single time I see snow. I grab my sled, stand outside - "Wait, I'm in Kansas. Dang it!" I stand there some more. Well, I hung out with Jess and Clint for a while. That was fun! Then, I came home and killed some time before I had to get my dad. Dad's flight was delayed 4 hours and got in @ 2.30-ish am.

Today: I wake up to a phone call from Brianna, and I meet up with her and Bethany for a wonderful Mediterranian lunch, and then a freakin' expensive shopping spree. Now, after dinner with the folks, I'm home.

While on my ride back to the mall with Nana, I entered into a state of thought. I'm in limbo... I'm kinda stuck in a state of suspended animation in my mind as I wait for my life to take off without me. It's kinda like that feeling you get when you get off the treadmill after a hard work out: You want to stand still, but your legs keep moving.

I'm pretty stoked for the new season. I'm in charge, and I have a wonderful friend as my ass. coach... :)

I don't really know where this post is going. I think I'm just anxious to get moving again. The monotony of my job is beginning to dull my mind, and make me sleepy.

Peace and chicken grease.

It's official!

Well, folks, I'm going to Belize for a week in July on missions! So are about 5 other people.



In Atlanta, I stopped by a booth for Praying Pelican Ministries, and talked with them about their missions and what they do while there, etc. You know, the basic stuff. Well, they asked if I would like to sign up for a chance to win a free mission trip. I signed up. I then quickly put it in the back of my mind. I never win anything.



Well, 2 months later, I find out that I did win! Holy cow. So, within a weeks time I have found people to go to Belize with me for a week of happy missions! It's been a little crazy just because I've only had a short time to get everything ready (as far as people and dates that would work for everyone). CRAZY! However, the lady, Brittney, has been wonderful in accomidating the last minute decisions that I've made.



Wow! God is good! I'm still stoked.

What else is there?

I felt the urge to write. Spill. Let out the damning question that has been plaquing me for almost 5 months.

What else is there? This can' be it!

I'm at the Perk. The place where I go to get away from the reality of my day. A haven for my wandering thoughts. And what do I want to write about? Me. I hate that. But I want to share (with those who have found me) something that's been a silent killer of my self-esteem, confidence, etc.

About 4 months ago, I applied for a position with US Soccer. I felt like it was the right thing to do. I felt that if I didn't, it was a direct slap in the face to God and everything that I'm working for, and desire. I didn't do it right away. It took me a month to understand fully the idea of obedience and surrender. With help and encouragement, I took a month to listen to God, and waited.

I didn't get it.

I was crushed. "WTF, God?!" I was also pissed.

Since then, I have felt this urge to go out and be great. Travel. Witness. Be. But not in the sense that my friend Matt is doing. I want to be around a group consistently and show them a side of Jesus forgotten. A side that is turned down before it's even discovered.

I don't know how to explain this side, but hang out with anyone of my friends or myself for a while, and you might understand. It's not that tough to grasp.

So... what else is there? When can I start devistating the conventional box of "right and wrong" Christianity? God only knows. Until then, I will pray. I will study. I will be no less that what Christ has called me to be in an envirtonmant that isn't my choice, but God's choice.

I hate being obedient sometimes... :)

"Fiscal Responsibility"

Ok, so this post has nothing to do with money, but I like the short that the saying comes from.

Well, I'm bad at this whole blogging thing, but I'm going to try it out... again. I need to start writing again. I loved it in high school. Then, one crazy day in life, I woke up and the passion was gone. My, my.

Let's see where this takes us!

Blessings