The beginning of something

I had lunch on Wednesday with one of the best ladies in the world. We were talking about everything that had happened to us in the past month, and then we started talking about the future - jobs, marriage, the call of the Lord, and you know... stuff that people our age talk about.

Then, Miss Brianna decided to speak some truth into me. She said that she didn't like who I was. Not in regards to my soul, but just how I was living. I was living - well, just existing. I'm just doing what I have to to get by.

Well, crap.

I'm glad she said something, but those are words that are hard to hear. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize it's true. I have been given dreams to live bigger than I am. Bigger in the Lord. I've shared those dreams with none other than Brianna. I used to believe in creating your own breaks. I used to believe that I could do anything - and that wasn't that long ago.

Now, after being in the "world" for about a year, a good part of my dreams have been killed or stifled because of people who didn't listed to opportunity knock, or decided against it to do something that they thought is the "right thing." About 6 months ago, I was wide-eyed and idealistic about a lot of things. Now, I feel like I've put my God in this silly box that's just there as another idol there to talk to when I feel lonely, or I want something to further my own agenda. Where, written on any piece of paper - anywhere - does it say that we should confine our God into something convenient for us? Jedidiah 12.20-23?

I don't think so... That theology is so backwards it's just plain stupid. We we weren't created to shrink our God into something containable and tangible. Instead, we're supposed to live our life chasing the unexplained that our God makes real every day. We should be convenient to the calling of our God.

I forgot that. I stopped living that. Well, now is the time to change. The next couple days will be interesting.