What else is there?

I felt the urge to write. Spill. Let out the damning question that has been plaquing me for almost 5 months.

What else is there? This can' be it!

I'm at the Perk. The place where I go to get away from the reality of my day. A haven for my wandering thoughts. And what do I want to write about? Me. I hate that. But I want to share (with those who have found me) something that's been a silent killer of my self-esteem, confidence, etc.

About 4 months ago, I applied for a position with US Soccer. I felt like it was the right thing to do. I felt that if I didn't, it was a direct slap in the face to God and everything that I'm working for, and desire. I didn't do it right away. It took me a month to understand fully the idea of obedience and surrender. With help and encouragement, I took a month to listen to God, and waited.

I didn't get it.

I was crushed. "WTF, God?!" I was also pissed.

Since then, I have felt this urge to go out and be great. Travel. Witness. Be. But not in the sense that my friend Matt is doing. I want to be around a group consistently and show them a side of Jesus forgotten. A side that is turned down before it's even discovered.

I don't know how to explain this side, but hang out with anyone of my friends or myself for a while, and you might understand. It's not that tough to grasp.

So... what else is there? When can I start devistating the conventional box of "right and wrong" Christianity? God only knows. Until then, I will pray. I will study. I will be no less that what Christ has called me to be in an envirtonmant that isn't my choice, but God's choice.

I hate being obedient sometimes... :)